FUQ Forwards™

Remember, these are forwarded to me, I don’t make them up. Otherwise I would have made it a pointy-haired boss

The Blonde Sister

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch with $600, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, and then adds, it will cost 99 cents a word. Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the word ‘comfortable.’

The opera tor shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly…. “com-for-da-bul”.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.’
‘What do they say?’ the priest inquired.
They say,  ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’

That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed.   Then he thought for a moment.  ‘You know,’ he said,  ‘I may have a solution to your problem.  I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.  My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.’

‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.   As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:  ‘Hi, we’re hookers!  Do you want to have some fun?’
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, ‘Put the beads away Frank.  Our prayers have been answered!’