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Convenience Banking Instructions

In light of the wonderful service that many of us are experiencing from recent recently aquired banks, it’s fun to have a reminder that sometimes the customer is an idiot, too.

The Right Way:

  1. Drive up to the cash machine
  2. Put down your car window
  3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
  4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
  5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
  6. Put window up
  7. Drive off

The Wrong Way (i.e., the way most people do it):

  1. Drive up to cash machine
  2. Reverse and back up the required distance to align car window with the machine
  3. Set parking brake, put the window down
  4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
  5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
  6. Attempt to insert card into machine
  7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
  8. Insert card
  9. Re-insert card the right way
  10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
  11. Enter PIN
  12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
  13. Enter amount of cash required
  14. Check makeup in rear view mirror
  15. Retrieve cash and receipt
  16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
  17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook
  18. Re-check makeup
  19. Drive forward 10 feet
  20. Reverse back to cash machine
  21. Retrieve card
  22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided
  23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irritated male driver waiting behind you
  24. Restart stalled engine and pull off
  25. Redial person on cell phone
  26. Drive for two miles
  27. Release Parking Brake
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