Ah, this one takes me back. It came to me in November of 2004, when people had a hope of a raise based on their review following a long salary freeze. Not nearly as along of a freeze I am currently experiencing, though 
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.
- Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that it’s only to change feet.
- He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- This employee is depriving a village, somewhere, of an idiot.
- This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
- Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
- A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He’s been working with glue too much.
- He would argue with a sign post.
- He brings a lot of joy…whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’ coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
- If you stand closeether.
- A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
- He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.
- I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
- He’s been working with glue too much.
- He would argue with a sign post.
- He brings a lot of joy…whenever he leaves the room.
- When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
- If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
- A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’ coming.
- Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
- If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
- If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
- One neuron short of a synapse.
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
- Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
- The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Tags: employee review
