Another from the old badjokes list:
So your daughter’s a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it’s really good pay.
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My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire…
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
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You had your bladder removed
and you’re on the mend.
Here’s a bouquet of flowers …
and a box of Depends.
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Heard your wife left you!
How upset you must be.
But don’t fret about it…
She moved in with me.
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Looking back over the years
that we’ve been together,
I can’t help but wonder …
What the hell was I thinking?
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Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
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How could two people as beautiful as you …
Have such an ugly baby?
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I’ve always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you …
I’ve changed my mind.
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I must admit, you brought Religion into my life…
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am …
that you’re not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go…
Would you like to take this
knife out of my back?
You’ll probably need it again.
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Someday I hope to get married…
but not to you.
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Happy birthday!
You look great for your age
… Almost Lifelike!
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When we were together,
you always said you’d die for me.
Now that we’ve broken up,
I think it’s time you kept your promise.
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I knew the day would come when
you would leave me for my best friend.
So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
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We have been friends
for a very long time…
what say we stop?
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I’m so miserable without you…
it’s almost like you’re here.
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Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who The father was?
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You are such a good friend
that if we were on a sinking ship
and there was only one life jacket…
I’d miss you terribly and think of you often.
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Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.
So we’re having you put to sleep.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Pennsylvania and Mississippi)
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