Archive for June, 2012

People Who Fix Their Coffee at the Coffee Dispenser

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

After years of being the only reader of this blog, I figured I would start posting pet peeves and see if people might read them and leave funny comments.

To start off, I hate it when people who pollute their coffee with contents other than coffee fill their cup and then leave it under the coffee urn while picking up all their little wimpy ingredients and then mixing them in like it was the science project their semester grade depends on. Hey, morons, the ten people behind you would like to wake up to. Put the coffee in the cup and get the hell out of the way. Go dilute your caffeine somewhere else, like your desk. You know, the place you will avoid all day long while yapping about the lack of creamer in the fridge and what you just posted on Facebook?

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Levels of (non) Sobriety

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

When you are drunk or almost getting there;

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I’m married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. No thanks, I’m not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn’t! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I’m not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I’d hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

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