If you learned something
today, please
1x

Out of the Mouths of Boys

April 28th, 2013

From my tweenage son (who saw it on Facebook):

Once a month girls should with the same warning label on games rated M for violence, language and blood.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

The difference between Dough and Doh is ug!

April 10th, 2013
Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

How to Tell Your Life is Boring

April 9th, 2013

If you find yourself falling and someone else’s life flashes before your eyes. Extra credit if it is the life of a fictional character because you don’t know anyone interesting, either.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

New Reality Series Pitch

April 9th, 2013

Promotion Through Attrition. Watch how quickly people move up a corporate ladder at a dead-end company while their more talented colleagues leave for better jobs. A combination of The Biggest Loser and Last Comic Standing.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

The Haircut Tax

February 22nd, 2013

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. ¬†When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you ‘ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

The Relationship Coin

November 1st, 2012

When you are single, you can flip a coin and it will land one way or another. Once you get married, it has to land on it’s edge because there will no longer be any head or tail.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

DUI Checkpoints Make a Big Comeback

September 22nd, 2012

I would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and driving.

As you well know some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks, with some friends and had a few too many beers and some shots. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit I did something I’ve never done before????

I took a bus home.

Sure enough, I passed a DUI checkpoint, but because it was a bus, they just waved it through.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!

 

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Watch Yourself

August 28th, 2012
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated …38 revolver so you will always remember me.”
“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?”
“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.”
“Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. “Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?
Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Use Your Elbow, Not Your Head

August 28th, 2012
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in.
Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
“What …. You coming empty handed?”
Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail

Classic Quote of the Day

July 2nd, 2012

From someone’s sig on a game forum:

“I believe in Karma. I can do bad things to people and assume they deserved it.”

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail
Humor Top Blogs