Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

The Best Sex Quips Ever

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

That was the title of the email. You be the judge

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” Steve Martin

“You know ‘that look women get’ when they want sex? …….me neither.” Drew Carey

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damned good.” Woody Allen

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” Unknown

“If it weren’t for pickpockets I’d have no sex life at all.” Rodney Dangerfield

“My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.” Bill Kelly

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” Woody Allen

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.” George Burns

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” Matt Barry

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.” Unknown

“My kid had sex with your honor student.” Bumper Sticker

“My sexual preference is not you.” Tshirt

“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” Woody Allen

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” Henry Miller

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.” Lynn Lavner

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.” P. J. ORourke

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” George Burns


Morning Sex

Monday, August 31st, 2009

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in; she turned and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.” His eyes lit up and he thought, “This is my lucky day.” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, “Thanks” and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked “What was that all about?”

“The egg timer’s broken.” she explained.