Posts Tagged ‘women’

The Why’s of Men

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

Another recommendation from my lovely wife who certainly wouldn’t think that I fall into this category. Would she?

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON’T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don’t have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)
(You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)strong>

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don’t know….it never happened)
( C’mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favourite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)

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Words Women Use

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Don’t be mad about this, it is just the same 5 minutes you use when it’s your turn to help do things around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying “%@&* YOU!”

9.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong” – for the woman’s response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know its true!

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Powerful Women’s Motto

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says..

‘Oh shit….she’s awake!’

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Women Make Everything More

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

This reminded me that the funniest jokes are always those based in truth and common experience:

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

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